Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right

Knock, knock, knock. I heard at the front door. I saw my friend Steve’s gold colored Monte Carlo parked in the driveway through the peep hole and when I opened it there he was standing there. He greeted my dog Pepper and came in the living room and sat down.

“I just had an unbelievably weird morning.” He announced.

“What happened?” I inquired.

“Monte needed a timing belt and I didn’t have the equipment to do the job so I went to the only repair shop in town I trust and left it there yesterday. The owner gave me a ride home. This morning I got up and called up the shop and they said it was done so I asked mom to give me a ride down there. It’s only a mile or so from the house. She’s a terrible driver but even she can make it a mile I figured. She leaves the house and instead of turning left onto the road that goes right to the place she turned right.

  “Why did you turn right” I asked her.

     “I never turn left.” She answered.

     “What do you mean you never turn left? You can’t never turn left.” I was puzzled by her answer.

     “Yes I can. I will turn right at the next street and then right again.” She earnestly answered me.

     “So do you always turn right three times to go left?” I was dumbfounded.

     “Of course I do dear.” She seemed totally nonplussed by my amazement. ”Why wouldn’t I?”

       “I didn’t say anything as I could tell logic wasn’t going to get me anywhere. She dropped me off and I went in and I paid the bill and left with my car. I decided to come over and visit you rather than go right home. I turned on to the main street that goes to your house and was following an old white Thunderbird. When it came to the side street I needed to turn on the car suddenly turned the direction I was going so I followed it. The car was going really slow so I was hoping it would keep on going straight when I got to the street I needed to turn on to get to your house. Just before it passed that street the car quickly turned the same way I was going. So I went ahead and followed it. Then the car just stopped right in the middle of the road. No signal or anything. I couldn’t believe it. What an asshole. I was just about to floor it and go around the car but I decided to go and see what the problem was. I walked up the driver’s side of the car and looked in. It was a lady and she was leaning over the seat doing something on the floorboards. I knocked on the window and she looked up with a startled expression. She rolled down the window.

What the hell are you doing?” I managed to get out.

     “My purse fell over and spilled.” She answered.

    “So you just stopped the car in the middle of the road?” I was getting heated.

     “I didn’t realize there was anyone behind me.” She looked worried.

     “Why didn’t you use your turn signals?” I was hopping mad by this time.

     “Oh I never use them.” She now looked scared.

      I don’t know if there was anything she could have said at this point which would have appeased me but that wasn’t it. I reached in the car and broke off the turn signal and dropped it to the floor. “Then I guess you don’t need it.”

      She looked terrified. I turned around and walked back to my car, got in, went around her and came over here. I wonder how she is going to explain this to her husband. At least my mom really is crazy.” Steve finished.

By the time Steve was done telling me the story I was laughing uncontrollably. I can’t stand people who don’t use their turn signals. It is such an easy thing to do and saves a lot of people from running into each other. I was also visualizing his mother driving around town and turning right all the time to get somewhere that was in the other direction.


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