Both of my parent’s were alcoholics and my family is dysfunctional!

My parents drank alcohol for all of my life, I even remember them allowing my sister and I to drink small amounts when we were kids which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing as we were given a tiny amount and to me it seemed like by their allowing me to try small amounts it took the mystique away from my drinking a lot once I was not around them. We were never allowed to get drunk just to have a tiny little aperitif glass with dinner and a lot of the alcohol I didn’t like. I remember the first time I really got drunk as a teenager at a party I didn’t like the feeling of not being shy because I was drunk and never ended up having a drinking problem. But my sister did and she is now an alcoholic and I suppose there is no way to say whether or not my parents allowing us to drink a little had anything to do with it since I did not become an alcoholic even though she did, but we both had plenty of bad things happen to us to need to forget about them but I guess I chose to deal with them as opposed to trying to drink them away. I also know as the older sister I saw a lot of things my parents did under the influence of alcohol that turned me off that I don’t think my sister noticed or cared about as much as I did since I took on the role of the family peacemaker at a very young age. The reasons my parents drank were because they were messed up people trying to escape their being messed up and the messed up part had nothing to do with alcohol, they didn’t have to be drunk to do screwed up things, they only had to be drunk to live with themselves for having done them. So I guess I have mixed feelings on blaming the alcohol entirely but it does seem like really screwed up people do seem to use it to escape dealing with their problems. It is sad for them but most of all it is sad for the children they bring into the world to screw up when maybe if they had been sober and forced to look at how screwed up they were they wouldn’t have children. Obviously I will never have an answer to this but it does make me wonder what could have been. Sometimes causes and effects can be very hard to separate. It is kind of like the question which came first, the chicken or the egg?

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