I have two wolf dogs, one is a female and is now nine and a half years old and the other is a male and is now five and a half years old, notice I said “have” and not “own”, because I will never own them – I only get to enjoy living with them. I obtained them both at the same time from a friend who has a “wolf-dog” rescue place and they are the second two I have adopted. The first two are the same age as the oldest one of the two that now live with me and they are both happily living with my ex-roommate that I promised when I got the first two that when I eventually did get my “very own” place that I wouldn’t take them away from him so when I did start buying my own place five and a half years ago I was going to share “custody” but the first two (who are still my friends that I go visit at least once a week because wolves make their bonded relationships early in life and even if they add friends as they get older they are truly only “best” friends with the very few they met first in their lives and I am privileged to be their only best friend besides my ex-roommate so I owe it them because I brought them into our world to go visit them and continue to be one of their best friends) always wanted to go “home” with my roommate because it was the only home they had known for the first four years of their lives. So I decided that, because both my ex-roommate and always a current friend, we both had the room and the desire to have these beautiful creatures part of our lives that I should “re-rescue” two more (they do a lot better if they have a small pack of two than if there is only one of them, and you do better also because they entertain each other so that they don’t depend on you always being there for their happiness. That is what I call a win – win! So I drove down to the place in eastern California that the people live in that I got the other pair from to visit with the many wolf-dogs she had available for me to adopt. I told her that I wanted a “trusted by her” adult female and a male pup so I could be bigger and the boss before it got bigger than me like I had done with the first two I let my friend keep primary care of. She only had three adult females that she recommended to me, being sociable to cats was one of my conditions because I had two cats that I had since they were kittens for seven years. The pups that were available were many, but because I loved the male that I let my roommate keep and his sunny sweet disposition I wanted a relative of his and it was possible, so because there was four pups from a litter that were sired by the brother of the male I let my roommate keep I wanted one of them. There were two males in the litter of ten week old pups and two females, because I wanted to get a male that was a pup (so that I was larger than it was to start with so I could impress upon him that I was the “alpha” which, if you read my stories about how my animals “own” me, might be debatable but nonetheless was my rationale for making the choice I did in adopting the animals I drove home from California to Oregon with sitting in the front seat and the “front floor” seat of my car. I got to my friends’ house, Deb and Charles, on a Friday night just before dark in June of 2007 and they took me out to visit with the approximate fifty wolf-dogs that live on their property in eastern California near Sparks, Nevada. These animals range in age from pup to the fifteen year old female that lives with them full time in their trailer house. They let one other wolf dog that gets along with their old female wolf-dog and their two cats live in the trailer with them on a one month each rotation. Which leaves some of the rescues out because of the socialization they received before Deb and Charles took over their care did not make them able to be social with other dogs or cats, which frequently means Deb has pretty much physically taken the wolf-dog from the person who was abusing it and giving it a new home. This is what I find admirable about these people, Deb and Charles, which was after I had fell in love with wolf-dogs from the one I had for twelve years before she died of cancer. So knowing there were two male pups that were available that were related to the three year old male I had known since he was 12 weeks old I specifically went out to the “wolf” quarters to meet these two young boys. As soon as I walked up to the fenced in enclosure one of the pups put his big paw on top of the other pub that was trying to greet me and he managed to greet me first. He was a beautiful young wolf dog pup and had the silver and white markings that I especially fond of, but when he put his paw on the other pup to stop him from being able to be the first one that got to greet me I took this as a sign and told Deb I wanted to meet this boy. She let only him out and he immediately greeted me and said “take me home”. The adult females that Deb felt would fit into my household consisted of a two year old that was a little odd looking, probably the result of a dog that didn’t mesh well with a wolf, the three year old mother of the male pup I wanted, and her three year old sister who Deb told me was very unhappy with having to share her time in the house with other of their wolf dogs and she showed me photos of this female laying on their couch with one of their cats. This seemed like a good match, I thought the pup I wanted would rather live with his Aunt (because he only knew who his mom was and I was pretty sure he had no idea the other female was his aunt and as long as I made sure no pups happened it didn’t matter if she was his aunt or not) so I told Deb I wanted “Hunter” and “Niner”, they were already named but I saw no reason to change their names. When I loaded my pack into the car and we went to the pens and got Hunter and Niner out and took them to my car they met for the first time and both gladly got into my car and we started the eight hour drive to my home. They immediately took the positions in the car that they still take after five years, she laid on the floor of the front seat and Hunter took point sitting in the front seat. Wolves are apparently much different that dogs as even though they are spayed and neutered they maintain a once a year “sex” session that lasts about a week, but no one gets pregnant. I feel this speaks to what nature really means to occur, Hunter (or Coho in the other pair my roommate has) never knows why he gets “lucky” once a year but he never turns it down. I always sort of jokingly tell my married men friends “it is sort of the same as what happens with you”, but they always say it is only sort of “joking”.
My wolf-dog Hunter likes to jump on the couches like a kid likes to jump on a bed. He only does it when he is feeling really sparky and he started doing it when he was a pup five and a half years ago. Most of the time he is not allowed to go in the bedroom so he jumps from one of the two “animal” couches to the other one back and forth. The two couches are a few feet apart and “catty cornered” from each other and they are for the canines and felines to sleep on. I can’t help but laugh because he is obviously enjoying himself so much. Of course when I am laughing while telling him to stop as he bounces back and forth from couch to couch he somehow fails to find me a figure of authority and continues his joyous activity. He also comes in from outside very sparky sometimes and will go racing into the kitchen and then stop and turn on a dime like a cutting horse and run back to where I am still walking back to “my” couch after letting him in the house. At 150 pounds he gives new meaning to term throw rug as I have a 6’ x 8’ indoor outdoor carpet rug on my kitchen floor that always gets moved a few feet when he does his high speed spin and turn maneuver on it. It does seem to me that dogs have more of a sense of humor than cats do. I was just sitting on my couch and one of my cats was sitting on my lap and Hunter gets very jealous of the cats for no particular reason when they are on my lap, maybe because he hasn’t fit on my lap ever really since he was probably 20 pounds when I got him at 10 weeks, so he always walks up and starts rubbing his cheek on my leg while keeping an eye on the cat on my lap hoping he will bother them enough to leave when this time he sneezed all of sudden and the cat jumped up like she had been attacked and stood on the back of the couch where she jumped up to when the “sneeze” attacked her and she gave Hunter the world’s dirtiest look. Like who can sneeze on purpose? I started laughing and I was the second recipient of Jasmine’s dirty look. Like chill out, it was only a sneeze! Isn’t life strange, or funny, or maybe just strangely funny?
I believe that every day I manage to either tread water and stay in the same place, or I somehow move forward an inch or two, that I have won the day. And that is how a life in recovery goes, inch by inch or one day at a time. Either way it is a mark in the win column.
I believe that if I do the right thing that is the best I can do…
That do unto others as you would have them do unto you is a good thing…
What I don’t understand is after doing all of these things…
These things that should be the best you can do…
Why is it that sometimes it seems like I am the only one doing what I believe?
LIFE, IT IS NOW,
IT IS BEAUTIFUL, IT IS NOW!
THIS IS LIFE,
HOWEVER DID I LOSE YOU BACK THEN, DEAR LIFE?
YOU ARE MY FRIEND, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL MY FRIEND.
WHERE DID YOU GO WHEN I COULDN’T FIND YOU?
I LOVE YOU SO,
WHY EVER DID I WANT TO SEE YOU GO?
THIS IS LIFE,
WHATEVER DID I DO TO DISPLEASE YOU SO?
HOW DID YOU FIND ME, ONCE AGAIN?
WHY DID YOU CHOOSE ME TO LIVE, ONCE MORE?
ALL THE MOMENTS IN MY PAST ARE STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME NOW.
ALL THE CHOICES I DIDN’T GET TO MAKE…
AND ALL THE CHOICES I WISH TO MAKE AGAIN…
THIS IS LIFE,
THIS IS NOW.
YOU ARE MY LIFE…
YOU ARE MY LOVE…
YOU ARE MY REASON FOR LIVING.
From recent news it seems obvious there are a lot of people who feel like they are alone, or are lonely, or isolated for mental or physical reasons. I don’t really think that most of us really want to be alone but for various reasons we sometimes find it difficult to find a place to meet other people we feel comfortable sharing some of our personal issues with. A great many people are turning to the internet to help fill this void, and as if you need proof of that there is the current high profile case of the young football player who said he had been in a relationship with a girl on the internet for over a year or longer until it ended with his being led to believe she had died. He may or may not have been the victim of a deception of some kind for some as yet unknown reason on someone’s part to imitate a girl that wasn’t real. It really doesn’t matter if it was a hoax on someone else’s part, because for him the relationship was real and it was the result of his finding a friend on the internet and having what he felt was a real relationship. Relationships that are not sincere or real happen with real live flesh and blood humans quite often as well, so the idea of a false internet relationship is no less believable than having something had similar happen in real life, because after all anything that happens to you in your life is real for you. There is also the case of the young man who had this happen to him a few years ago and he made a movie about it and now has a television show in which he is trying to help other people who are involved with fairly long term relationships on the internet that the other person seems to be trying to avoid meeting them. Yesterday I was watching the morning TV show I usually watch and it said that 75% of the 55 million single people are turning to the internet to find dates, so we are not only looking for signs of life we are also looking for love on the internet. This makes the internet an even more powerful force than it already was.
So it obviously appears that more and more people are turning to the internet to fill some kind of void in their life and it can just be to make contact with others and it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are looking for romance but they are looking for a human to share feelings with, one that will hopefully understand what they are feeling. It does help us all to talk about the things that are on our minds, good and bad, and this is not just my opinion or there wouldn’t be therapists and meetings of groups of people who have some issue in common they want or need to share with others by talking about their life. You can meet real people on the internet and the site I am writing about is the best place I know to do it!
I was going through a rather rough patch a couple of months ago and this project, the one I am presenting to you in this manuscript, is what resulted after an afternoon of googling on my computer. I was home alone (this has been my normal for several years) with my animal buddies that are the roommates that I live with, and I started randomly typing phrases for all the feelings I was going through at that time in the “Google” search engine box on my computer. Most of the searches turned up definitions for one or two of the words I had used in my description, which was not at all what I was looking for and I found nothing helpful in trying to find someone to talk to about what I was going through. You might ask why I didn’t go to a meeting of live humans to talk to. It is because there is no group for the issues a lot of us go through if we are not an alcoholic, a drug addict, or into religious things. Not that I can say I actually knew exactly what I was looking for, which is the case for a lot of us “human beans”. The date was November 19, 2012 and I was trying to find a way to connect with other people going through some of the same type of physical and emotional trauma that I had been dealing with. Then out of nowhere I really got a hit that gave me a link to one of the emotional phrases I had been typing typed into the search box, this one was “I need someone to talk to” and much to my amazement there was what looked like a promising link to click on. So of course I did. This was the way the link showed up on the page: I Need Someone to Talk to – Experience Project Have You Need Someone To Talk To? Join 20418 friendly people sharing 5288 true stories in the I Need Someone to Talk to group. Find forums, advice and … http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Need-Someone-To-Talk-To/4603. I followed that link and found this site’s concept fascinating and have now posted around a hundred stories or experiences and I belong to one hundred and fifteen of what this site calls groups which are groups based on shared experiences. I have met some interesting people and have also written words of my experiences trying to help some of them who are younger and haven’t lived long enough to realize a lot of their angst just is part of living and really will get better, even if things sometimes seem hopeless. There are members of EP that have been involved with the site for several years and belong to hundreds or thousands of groups, there are people who have written hundreds of stories and people who have only written a few. There are people joining every day and many are finding that there is no better place to share the things in life that bind all of us together.
The Experience Project is a social networking site, like Facebook and MySpace are, its big difference is that it is one that is based on what you know and have experienced in life as opposed to who you know. They say on their promotional information that over five million people use the site. In this story I am writing what I am going to share with you here is the stories/experiences that I have written to share with the members of this site, as well as some of the comments and support I have gotten back from them. I hope I can intrigue and entice you enough that you will join in this experience of sharing your varied experiences with the world and maybe take away a feeling that maybe we all live in the same world and should and can help each other in trying to cope with all the wacky things that life can throw at you. EP is not intended as a hook up site but as a way to help yourself and others connect with all the other people in the world that we have something in common with. That being said it doesn’t mean you can’t meet someone on the site only that it isn’t the site’s primary reason for existing. I have found that the people using this site are aware of the fragile state of some of the users psyche and almost all make polite and encouraging comments most of the time, which shows this site to have above average users because of their sensitivity.
I LIKE MICE
I like mice
Mice are nice
I had mice
When I was young and nice.
I raised baby mice
Baby mice are nice
The pet shop bought my young and nice mice.
I went to visit my pet shop mice
I did not spy my nice baby mice
They told me a snake ate my nice baby mice.
I still liked the nice mice
So I quit raising baby mice
To feed the snake my young and nice mice.
This is a true story, I raised some baby mice and after I sold the third litter of beautiful baby mice to the pet store they told me they sold them to people to feed their snakes. I quit raising mice, I was in grade school at the time.
I want to tell you a story,
One that will make your life better.
I want to tell you a story of pain,
To tell you a story of survival.
One that will give you hope,
I want to tell you a story of happiness.
To tell you a story of love,
One that will make you feel better.
I want to tell you a story of success,
To tell you a story that will make everything bad go away.
I want to save your life.
This is the story that I want to tell you.